A ‘bride’ story of mine
If you haven’t read the first part of this story, please click Worthy.
I was approaching the moment of my happy union with The One who loves me at the altar when I heard some aggressive voice in my mind:
“Stop! You sinner. You have done wrong things. Look at yourself to see how bad you are, how dare you still go to Him? Your filth is disgusting to Him. You have terribly offended Him. Do you still want to offend Him with your dirty soul? You dare to touch the All Holy and Pure? No, don’t be stupid! You will commit the sin of sacrilege. Don’t create another condemnation for yourself! Be careful or you will double your guilt. Cover your face. Turn away your face from his. Don’t let your filthy eyes meet his because they will judge your sinful soul and cause you terrible pain. Be cautious and don’t ever think that He will forgive you more. You lied and blasphemed. You made promises but never fulfilled them. How many times you took advantage of his love? He cannot accept a person like you. You must be perfect and holy first before you come to Him. As long as you don’t have a pure soul, don’t ever touch Him, otherwise you will commit the sin of sacrilege. He is not content to be touched by a filthy sinful person like you. You are not worthy! At least at this moment! Wait until you are worthy, then come later!…”
Dear friend, you can imagine my state in this situation. The ‘heavy’ elements just returned and flooded my soul. I was absorbed in a state of feeling guilty, confused, doubtful, disappointed, frightened, helpless, paralyzed,… I felt unworthy of The One who loves me. Then I didn’t want, more correctly I didn’t dare, to come to Him anymore. And, I was ‘frozen’.
In that disordered guilty state, I blamed myself, I begged for his mercy but at the same time I began to abandon the intention to go to Him at the altar. I told myself that I would come to Him after I had become more perfect. I said it to me but I didn’t know when that would be since I had never been perfect.
Also in that state, like the bride in the story, I suddenly realized a truth that was obvious before my eyes, a truth that set me free, making me fly even when the wings of my life had been broken. That truth was the eagle wings that lifted me up from a harmful zone of an inferior sense of guilt. It did and still does. What truth? This truth: He loves me and embraces all who I am in his Sacred Body and Blood that are totally gentle, humble, simple, welcoming, merciful and unconditional, right here and now, just before my bare eyes. He only wants me to see how excited he is in waiting for me with his wide open arms. He desires to meet me, touch me, give strength to me and become part of me. That’s it and that’s enough! He is there, completely gentle, totally sympathetic and absolutely forgiving. He is there for me without any condition, without any blame, without any question. He is there with a burning desire to touch me so I can find healing, peace and joy again in this life full of turmoil. He is there to affirm that in his love there is no concept of being worthy or unworthy but there is only an everlasting love that fills every part of the universe. He is there calling me to come and come back so I can live more abundantly even when my life may encounter more brokenness.
Such an obvious truth has always been there before my eyes but I did not see it. I have been tempted to fix my eyes on my shortcomings and faults and consequently forget such an obvious reality. The aggressive voice that I hear in my mind is absolutely not His voice because His voice is never aggressive, mean, scolding, shaming, offensive or destructive. His voice in such a situation only has one melody of love that is geared toward the protection and healing for my soul: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest!” (Mt 11:28) He always and forever wants me to stay in his love; and therefore it is absolutely true that He never drives me away or tells me to stay away from Him. On the contrary, the most frightening thing for Him is my running from Him. He knows well that when I run from Him, I will suffer loss and will be attacked by Satan. The more He sees my weakness, the more He wants me to come to Him to receive strength from Him. The more He sees my sinfulness, the more He wants to touch me to heal me (Mc 2:17). His words are surely against the aggressive voice of Satan tempting me to stop coming to His Body and Blood when He affirms: “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.” (Lk 5:31-32) I am a sick person in my weakness and brokenness, and therefore I am the person He wants to take care of. He has always come to me first with his unconditional love in order to liberate me from all fear and guilt.
Dear friend, The Groom Jesus is excitedly waiting for us. His merciful eyes are hoping to meet ours just to say to us the words in his gentle heart: “I love YOU!” We are that bride. Dear friend, will we offer Him – and actually us – this happiness?
Read in Vietnamese: https://only3minutes.wordpress.com/tieng-viet/chuyen-lam-co-dau-cua-toi/